Is Two Female Spies With Flowered Panties a Hidden Treasure or Dumpster Fire?
DVD Distributed By: Severin Films / August 30, 2017
In this long-unseen shocker from “one of filmdom’s most provocative creators” (The A.V. Club), the legendary Jess Franco (VAMPYROS LESBOS) pushes the limits of psycho-sexual insanity like never before: Lina Romay (of BARBED WIRE DOLLS and MACUMBA SEXUAL infamy) and Lynn Monteil (of Jean Rollin’s ZOMBIE LAKE and Franco’s SADOMANIA) star as a pair of cunning bisexual strippers released from prison to work undercover for the U.S. government. What follows is a deranged mélange of kinky threesomes, crazed S&M, depraved white slavers and audacious international politics that will leave even the most obsessive Franco fanatics slack-jawed in astonishment. Olivier Mathot (CANNIBAL TERROR), Joëlle Le Quément (WOMEN BEHIND BARS) and Claude Boisson (DEVIL HUNTER) co-star in this EuroSleaze rarity, now restored uncut in HD and loaded with exclusive Bonus Materials from the Franco archives.
Jimbo’s Take 
(2.5 / 5)
Writing a review about a Jess Franco film for the masses is largely a futile exercise. He’s not a director that will appeal to general audiences. Even my friend and fellow critic, Jamie Klein, describes him as “an acquired taste.” And Franco’s extensive film library is filled with more “bad Franco” than “good Franco.” So which one is it with Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties? Good Franco or bad Franco?
The answer is, a little bit of both. To cut to the chase, Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties is not his crowning achievement (The Diabolical Dr. Z) , but it’s definitely not the worst in his catalog. And there’s plenty to choose from in the “worst” category. If Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties is your first foray into Jesus Franco, you’re in for some of the best and worst the filmmaker has to offer. And it may not be a great starting point for newcomers.
By the late 1970s, Franco had already directed some 80+ films, usually directing multiple films in a single year, and covering pretty much every genre. By the time Franco made Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties he was routinely blending genres to varying degrees and success.
The title itself, “Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties” telegraphs this blending of genres. You have the promise of a spy thriller (Two Female Spies) colliding with the whimsey of an erotic comedy (with Flowered Panties).
Good Franco
When Franco wants to set a particular mood, create a certain atmosphere, or devise a certain shot composition, he rarely disappoints. Despite his many film failures, the man can direct. One of my favorite shots and scenes happens late in the film. (I’ll omit certain details to keep this spoiler free)
A couple of women torture a female captor. All three are completely naked. The torture victim is tied up, and one of her tormentors drags a knife over her pubic area. The scene is composed and directed expertly well. You can feel that blade rubbing against your own skin, tugging at the hairs between your legs. It’s erotic and frightening. Exhilarating and sensual, yet tense. It is at times like this when I know Jess Franco is capable of greatness.
Bad Franco
Unfortunately he usually blows it a scene or two later because Bad Franco has a problem with consistency. Tone in this movie shifts from horror, to action, to wackiness, to plain bat-shit crazy.
Good Franco
Action! There’s a great helicopter chase scene as female pilots track down and shoot at Cecile as she flees on foot.
Bad (or is this good?) Franco
Lina Romay has to run away from the helicopter wearing a space-age, gold-colored bikini that is too small for her huge, bouncing breasts.
Good Franco
The film can be pretty funny. Especially when Cecile is saved by a group of hippies and beatniks that live in a cave.
Bad Franco
Why the fuck do hippies live in a goddamned cave?
Good Franco
If you like nudity, sex, nudity, tits, bush, sex, and nudity then you’re in luck. There are MANY scenes of eroticism. And many of them are playful and fun. Both of our leading ladies are quite pleasant to look at and when Franco is concentrating he can craft a nice, light-hearted romp.
Bad Franco
But when he’s not concentrating the story becomes an uneven mess. Dialogue scenes that should forward the plot are written with such carelessness that they feel contrived. Instead of crafting a clever narrative, Franco loves to languish in awkward and excessive sex scenes that go nowhere and provide zero thrust for the plot.
Speaking of thrust. Franco’s sex scenes are rarely erotic or titillating. Despite the females being universally beautiful, the men (almost always) are not. But even if the men were better looking, the blocking in these scenes always feels clumsy. Like people are just kind of flopping around on each other, but don’t seem comfortable doing so.
And since we’re on the subject of criticising the script and the erotic scenes, one of my biggest complaints involves both. The first three sex scenes of the film are all rape scenes. This isn’t a problem if you’re making that movie. But Franco isn’t making that movie, at least not completely.
The first rape scene is the most brutal. Our lead antagonists chain a young woman to a bed and the male leader rapes her in front of his (also completely naked) henchmen/women. The second rape scene involves a John defiling his new female acquisition. And finally, the third rape scene is the most bizarre and involves our protagonists!
Brigitte has stripped, and sits atop, a man as Cecile watches and laughs. The man writhes and squeals in an effeminate voice as he protests that the women are raping him. He screams that he is gay which makes his female tormentors enjoy the invasion even more. This scene is even more head-scratching because the tone is played for laughs. Who knew rape was funny?
Good Franco
Later in the film Franco tries to make sex fun again. If you can detach yourself from the previous sexual encounters, you may just enjoy yourself.
Bad Franco
However, by this point how can you trust the filmmaker? When the first three “erotic” scenes introduce intercourse as dirty and criminal, the viewer expects even the most playful and sexy of scenes to take a dark and sinister turn. And the intimate scenes that are legitimately fun usually end too briefly.
Weird Franco
The one thing we haven’t talked about is Franco’s stranger inclinations. Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties even takes on some stranger sci-fi or supernatural qualities. Within the story, the kidnapped women eventually submit to their captors and become perfect subservient followers.
But how do the villains create such willingness from the kidnapped? Drug induced hypno-psychosis? Psychological torture? No.
The main female antagonist as an opal ring that she uses to hypnotize the women into submission. There is no deeper exploration into this character’s apparent supernatural powers. It’s just another cheap plot device to help push things along. It’s better to just accept it and move on if you want to enjoy the film.
In many ways, Two Female Spies with Flowered Panties is very representational of an entire career. It encapsulates the directors best and worst qualities in a single film. So maybe this is a great first Franco film for newcomers. You can see the man at his best and worst all at the same time.
My final criticism has less to do with the movie and more about independent distributor Severin Films. Back in August of 2017, the company took to Twitter and “dared” men to post photos of themselves wearing the promotional panties mailed with select direct orders. Those images remain burned in my mind. For that I say, “Fuck you Severin!”
Obviously I’m joking (at least half-joking). In all seriousness this blu-ray is pretty incredible, packing a ton of special features (which I’ve listed below). Severin Films once again delivers to Jess Franco fans, making this a must-have for any Franco completist.
Jamie’s Take 
(2 / 5)
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Hidden Treasure/Dumpster Fire?
| Jimbo: |  (2.5 / 5) |
| Jamie: |  (2.0 / 5) |
| Average: |  (2.3 / 5) |
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Special Features:
- Two Cats In The Canaries: An Interview With Director Jess Franco
- Filmmaker Donald Farmer Interviews Longtime Franco Composer Daniel White
- Stephen Thrower on TWO FEMALE SPIES
- Location Out-takes
- Theatrical Trailer
- Reversible Cover Art
- The first 3000 Blu-rays will include a strictly limited DVD of the salacious alternate Spanish cut of the movie: OPAL OF FIRE, MERCHANTS OF SEX!
