Is Dark Harvest / Escapes a Hidden Treasure or Dumpster Fire?

DVD Distributed By: Intervision / May 30, 2017

Dark Harvest: It’s stranded tourists vs. killer scarecrows in this early 90s SOV rarity. They planned on a relaxing horseback ride through the desert… They didn’t plan on engine trouble, long-winded campfire stories, deranged hillbillies with a shotgun, and a dangerous trek over cursed terrain. But the real terror begins when they discover that the creepy scarecrow overlooking their campsite has mysteriously disappeared from his cross.

Escapes: Matthew Wilson didn’t order ESCAPES, but when a mysterious mail carrier delivers a VHS to his door, he pops it in his top-loader, not knowing what real life danger lurks inside the magnetic tape. Concluding his run of portmanteau chillers (TALES OF TERROR, TWICE TOLD TALES, THE MONSTER CLUB, FROM A WHISPER TO A SCREAM), horror legend Vincent Price presents these six bizarre tales of the uncanny.

Rubbish Round Table

Jamie

I think it’s safe to say this double feature was pure garbage.

Jimbo

Yeah, I’m not quite certain why Severin would pair these films for a double feature. I would have thought Escapes would pair better with Dream Stalker (another Intervision disaster) because they at least share a connection with producer Tom Naygrow. But maybe Severin is trying to balance moderate shit with complete shit. You know, to justify the asking price.

Jamie

Dark Harvest is an early 90’s, DIY low budget horror film with a fairly large cast for such a cheap production. So we have a bunch of college age young adults going on some expedition in a crummy run down van that of course breaks down in the middle of a desert. These schmucks who just bicker and complain with one another stumble upon an old Indian burial ground while hiking to their destination. They start to get dispatched by various scarecrows and backwoods hillbillies.

I am not sure why there are scarecrows in the middle of the desert but then again I don’t know why a couple decide to make whoopie in a chicken coop while being lost. Maybe just to show off some huge flapjacks, which thankfully is this film’s only saving grace. It has some boobies and as we all know, I love boobs and was happy to see some milk muffins make an appearance in an otherwise grueling viewing.

Jimbo

Dark Harvest has tits. And admittedly some very nice ones. But unless you’re going in for a party viewing to mock the inadequacies of VHS horror (and we know you people are out there), there is nothing else of value here. And if you are looking for a glance at the flesh, nothing gets me going like blurry VHS nudity (That’s sarcasm).

Travis

Dark Harvest was total shit, but had tits to keep it away from a perfectly achieved 0.

Jamie

There is no gore, in fact barely any blood. The acting is awful and at times can be down right annoying. The production value is cheap as fuck. This was director James I. Nicholson’s only directed film and while I give him kudos in making a feature length film, his directing skills blow hog.

Jimbo

I agree with Jamie… I tip my hat to anyone who successfully makes a movie. There are a handful of moments at the beginning where the shot composition doesn’t seem completely terrible. But that doesn’t last long and the movie fails on nearly every level. Even most of the death strikes happen off screen! Remember when it’s implied someone gets shot with a flare gun? We see the actor shoot the gun and someone yells off-screen. We never see what happens!

Jamie

Nothing grinds my gears more when cheap low budget films have characters speaking dialog when it is windy as hell and can barely be heard. There were moments I had no idea what the hell they were saying.

Jimbo

If you all recall, we ended up just chatting more over the movie to help pass the time. As opposed to something like Incubus where we actually paid attention to the movie.

Jamie

Escapes – 1986 made for TV anthology, or at least I think it was made for TV. Judging from the interview by Tom Naygrow who was interviewed just because…he likes the director? I dunno but many of these little 10 minute films were used as cable filler back in the 80’s, in between movies. They decided to put them all together, offer Vincent Price $10,000 for 1 day’s work for narrating the wraparound story and there you go…motherfucking Escapes!

Jimbo

Of the two Escapes is definitely the better movie. But not by much.

Jamie

And Escapes sucks. These short films may have impressed children from the 80’s but they are all very generic and silly. None of them offer anything of value (maybe the first story about the hobgoblin would have been ok if I was 6 years old) but some go on way too long (the John Mitchum / coffee episode was pretty much my breaking point).

Travis

I think Escapes should be put to the kid watching test. I’m thinking in the right situation the bridge story might cause a little unease, but I wonder what the age cut off is before you can sense the stench of how bad it is?

Jimbo

My kids are 5 and 8. They’re both obsessed with Goosebumps and another anthology show on Netflix called Creeped Out. So my kids are perfect test subjects. Maybe I can play it tonight and we’ll see what they say. I won’t be showing them Dark Harvest.

Travis

I can’t believe one version of Escapes cut the hobgoblin story, since it was the only halfway decent one. And I can’t believe there were a bunch of others stories that didn’t make the cut. Thank God those weren’t included. I do think it was planned and shot as an anthology though, since at the end a lot of the characters combine in the wrap around segment for a lame “shock” ending.

Jimbo

At least Escapes has Vincent Price. And the anthology is varied enough that most of the short stories come and go fairly rapidly. It is most definitely a kids horror movie, more akin to Goosebumps. In fact, the episode titled “A Little Fishy” does include a twist straight from one Goosebumps episode. My 5 and 8 year olds might be impressed but the same audience watching Dark Harvest most certainly will not.

Travis

Escapes had Price to keep from getting shut out, but it honestly makes me more depressed to see an aged Price slumming it like this though.

Jamie

Price looked old but he actually did more movies after this like Dead Heat, From a Whisper to a Scream, and of course Edward Scissorhands. I didn’t think he looked bad, just weird to see him in such a cheap piece of shit.

Travis

I kind of want to know what the music was that was playing during the coffee segment. I actually went back and checked the credits but had no luck. “Off the Chain Gang” by Mick Martin. Good luck finding any more information than that. It’s rare to get stumped on a web search, but I’m shut out on that one.

Jamie

Refresh my memory – what was so important about the music?

Travis

Important? Nothing. But it was one of the few things that intrigued me. Not the other lame song, Backseat Driver!

Jamie

I have absolutely no memory of any of the music in either films. I wish I had no memory watching these films either.

Hidden Treasure/Dumpster Fire?

Dumpster Fire

Dark Harvest

Jamie:	(1.0 / 5)
Jimbo:	(0.5 / 5)
Travis:	(0.5 / 5)
Average:	(0.7 / 5)

Escapes

Jamie:	(1.0 / 5)
Jimbo:	(1.0 / 5)
Travis:	(0.5 / 5)
Average:	(0.8 / 5)

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