Mondo Balordo (Severin Films Blu-Ray Review)

Is Mondo Balordo Trash or Treasure?

Blu Ray Distributed By: Severin / July 28, 2020

In one of the most infamous Mondo movies of all, host Boris Karloff guides you through a world “throbbing and pulsing with love, from the jungle orgies of primitive tribes to sin-filled evenings of the London sophisticate.” Along the way, you’ll also experience Bedouin pimps, amorous dwarves, Spanish transvestites, German lesbians, Indian exorcists, Neapolitan cigarette smugglers and Chinese bondage models, now scanned in 4k from the original negative.

Jamie’s Take (1 / 5)

According to the back of Severin’s blu ray, it says “…you’ll also experience Bedouin pimps, amorous dwarves, Spanish transvestites, German lesbians, Indian exorcists, Neapolitan cigarette smugglers and Chinese bondage models…” No, you’ll experience 87 minutes of pure boredom. You’ll experience 87 minutes of your life wasted away watching a fucking travelogue movie narrated by Boris Karloff.

I really do not like Mondo movies. I do not get the appeal. It’s like watching a shitty film strip in school. You know the ones where students would either go to science or social studies class and the teacher isn’t in but there is a substitute teacher who just wants to play a movie so the kids shut up? I remember getting excited walking into class and seeing that film projector set up as I knew it was going to be a blowoff class. Alas, I soon regretted having to sit thru some awful film with poor recreations and pointless narration. That’s exactly what Mondo Balordo is like. I guess if you got your jollies off watching that shit in school you may like this, I don’t know. Say what you want about Faces of Death and it’s many rip-offs, at least that promises to revolt or shock and has a theme. Mondo Balordo is just all over the place where I kept asking myself, “What are the producers trying to achieve?”

Much like Mondo Freudo and Mondo Bizarro, this documentary is another look of the strange, the weird, the unexplainable of going ons around the globe, this time narrated by Boris Karloff the only saving grace. Wait, I take that back: the film does open with a midget dancing on stage which starts off funny (sorry to any sensitive snowflakes, why are you even reading Trashmen?) but soon I became impressed by this man’s dance moves and actually found that to be the highlight of this dull doc.

The rest of the film…holy shit. It’s just so goddamn boring and dated and serves no point. Ohh look, a man dressed like a woman singing. And we get to hear the entire fucking song…shoot me. Sailors who walk by women and whistle at them! The horror! A young prostitute marries an old man for his money! How dare they show this?! Female wrestlers! Fencing! Bellydancers! Can you believe it? Isn’t that strange? Are you getting a bulge in your jeans?

At one point as this was on, I was looking at my phone and checking out the weather report for the week. I work from home and barely go anywhere and yet I was looking at the weather on my phone as that was more interesting and entertaining than Mondo Bullshit. I think I may have texted fellow Trashmen writer Tyler Stevenson and bullshitted about beer or some other movie while Mondo Boring continued to stink up the room. I may have put my phone down and rewound one scene that stops short a kid running into the bushes about to take a shit. That had my chuckle but I am not going to add an extra half a can to my review just because some 60’s kid was about to make mookie sticks on film. Now if they showed him actually eject some psychedelic Lincoln Logs out of his crapper, that would be different. Maybe this bullshit was considered taboo or shocking at the time but it’s just Dullsville to me.

Severin’s blu ray actually includes another early Mondo film, The Orientals which is even worse than Mondo Balordo and resulted in me using the fast forward button thru most of it. I will say that at least Severin does what they can with the special features and I do respect that they locate and find these lost films, allowing whoever wants to purchase the blu ray the chance to see fencing and bellydancers with beehive hairdos.