Liquid A$$ets (Vinegar Syndrome's Blu-Ray Review)

Is Liquid A$$ets Treasure or Trash?

Blu-ray Distributed By Vinegar Syndrome / July 31, 2018

Mr. Cashbox (Bobby Astyr) has a money problem…He’s got too much of it and runs the risk of being hit with a huge tax bill. On the advice of his tax lawyer (Ron Jeremy), he decides to fund a sure-to-flop play titled ‘Piece & War;’ the dream project of narcissistic director Stan Slavsky, in the hope of being able to use its failings to get a tax write off. But soon, Cashbox realizes that he might be in over his head, as Broadway starlet Tootsie Lamarr (Veronica Hart) wants in on the production and Stable girl turned hopeful starlet, Suzy, catches the romantic eye of the smug Slavsky…

A broad minded comedy from the filmmaking team of Roberta Findlay and Walter Sear, LIQUID A$$ETS blends burlesque styled comedy schtick with humorous and sensual eroticism. Featuring an all star cast of supporting players, including Samatha Fox, Sharon Kane, Richard Bolla, Lisa B., Fred Lincoln, and more, and with a side splitting screenplay by R. Allen Leider, Vinegar Syndrome brings LIQUID A$$ETS to Blu-ray, uncut and newly restored from its original 35mm negative.

Jamie’s Take (2.5 / 5)

It’s been some time since I sat down and wrote a review on an adult film. Honestly, I have to admit I had been putting this off for a handful of reasons but mainly because I’d rather watch almost anything but an adult film (aside from musicals, my least favorite genre) not because I am some holy roller who thinks his shit don’t stink but most of them are just plain boring. The ones I do enjoy are the silly ones, the ones with plot and that can make me laugh. The opening of Liquid A$$ets has a horse taking a shit…phew, ok this may be worth a look.

The plot of Liquid A$$ets reminded me of The Producers (I was hoping there wasn’t a naked Zero Mostel-remake running about) where we have The Clown Prince of Porn himself, Bobby Astyr, as a rich businessman named Mr. Cashbox (hardy har har) who is going to be taxed a huge some if he doesn’t think of a plan quickly. His lawyer is none other than the Hedgehog himself, Ron Jeremy who convinces Mr. Cashbox to fund a sure fire flop of a play called “Piece & War” in which he can use the failings as a tax write off.

But once some boda fide Broadway actresses come on board, the play starts to build momentum and could put Mr. Cashbox and his hairy lawyer into hot water and in over their heads.

Liquid A$$ets is no doubt ridiculous and completely stupid. It’s loose plot is pretty dumb but thankfully the film is filled with various adult film stars at the time that make up for the paper thin plot. Even legit actors like Fred Lincoln (Last House on the Left) and Robert Kerman (Cannibal Holocaust) appear briefly for one sex scene. But the gorgeous babes of yesteryear Samantha Fox and Veronica Hart will undoubtedly please fans of the genre (and to any hetrosexual man) as these babes were natural beauties. Hart especially I always liked as she can actually act and can be quite funny.

Also starring in the film is pubic hair and natural breasts, two aspects that you never see anymore in adult films. Released in 1982, this was before of the time of Telly Savalas-type pussy’s and tits that look like they are filled with cement. Viva la natural!

Thankfully, while the film is nothing to write home about, I did find myself laughing at some of the jokes and one-liners. I was also amused by some of the theater gags and mockery of plays in general. But what I will remember most is that this is the movie where Ron Jeremy fucks an inflatable doll. Yes, ol’ Ron here takes his massive angry mushroom and goes to town on this doll, presenting the doll with some of his home made fluff, straight out of Ron’s rocket.

Vinegar Syndrome’s blu ray release looks pretty good and aside from the image flickering or jumping a few times, the transfer is pretty impressive and looks really nice. The disc is also loaded with some special features like an audio commentary by the director Roberta Findlay (who admits she really didn’t direct much of the film at all – it was Walter E. Sear) and an interview with Hart herself. The trailer included on the disc does give away a lot of the “money shots”. I couldn’t find the trailer on youtube naturally so I included a quick interview with two of the film’s main leads, Jeremy and Hart.

While I would never watch this movie again, fans of the genre will probably enjoy it. Sorry folks, I don’t have much to say on this one but it was nice to see an adult movie shot on film, with a plot, containing some talented actors / actresses, and that included some jokes / gags that made me laugh.

Jamie says: One’s Trash is Another’s Treasure.